All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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