Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
