that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
