We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
