Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
