We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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