Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
