How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
