Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
