At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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