i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
