addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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