I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
