Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
