Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
