Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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