i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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