you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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