Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I would ride that face into the sunset
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
