the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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