I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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