the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
