She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
