Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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