its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize