So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
