someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
