You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
