Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my poor anus
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
