I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
