That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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