She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
