its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
