I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
