By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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