do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
