You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
