Nicole vs. Life
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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