Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
