summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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