I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
