Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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