Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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