I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
