Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
