my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
