are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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