She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
