somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
