Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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