Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
