i would punch a child for taco bell
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
