my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
