what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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