im drinking this country out of the recession.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
