I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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