Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize