Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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