I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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