Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
