Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
