I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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