dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
