I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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