You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
