Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize