i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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