I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
