Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
