3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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