You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
