I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize