My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
