i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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