The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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