I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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