In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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