omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
