I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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