we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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