that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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