I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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