i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
